doctor_k_ poses an eternally interesting series of questions:
Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, So : are you religious/irreligious. What role does it play in your life. What are the central tenets of your beliefs/ lack of beliefs. How do you reconcile the bits of your religion that don't fit. If you have changed your religion - why?
Religion is a mild fascination for me, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. I will likely go on about it at great length.
History first: I am a failed catholic.
I like the phrase 'failed catholic'. Medazepam australia, uk, us, usa, I use it on purpose. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, I don't say 'lapsed catholic', because that implies that somewhere along the line I simply forgot to be catholic in some way. Neither do I say 'ex-catholic', because that stops short of recognising the effort I made. I tried to be catholic, and failed, cheap Medazepam.
As a consequence of my failure -- or perhaps, instead, my failure was a consequence of this -- I have a gap where instinct tells me religion should fit. Where can i order Medazepam without prescription, Or maybe not religion. Maybe belief, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. I have a gap in my beliefs that hasn't been completely filled. It is an easy thing to live with, though. It keeps me active, taking Medazepam, and curious, and searching.
Which is, Doses Medazepam work, as an aside, apparently the ideal mindset for prospective cult adherents. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, Consequently, I stay away from cults and other undue influences. I avoid uttering phrases like, 'Oh, that would never happen to me, discount Medazepam, I'm sure I could outwit any freaky cult leader type.' People like me have thought that before. I am not over-confident. I have seen what religion can do to a mind. Order Medazepam no prescription, I am, after all -- returning to my original point -- someone who once was catholic.
What role *did* catholicism (yes, I am aware I am not using a capital letter) play in my life, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. Family influences were not strong. Or, rather, where can i cheapest Medazepam online, the strong catholics in the family were a step or so removed from my immediate sphere growing up. I didn't go to a catholic school, but I did go to a school with a preponderance of catholics. Cheap Medazepam no rx, In first grade, at the age of five, I was taught to make the 'sign of the cross' & told that bad children went to hell. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, Also, ignorant children went to hell. Children who died before learning the sign of the cross, for example, no prescription Medazepam online. This readily instilled in me a fear of that razor's edge of chance and circumstance that lead me there to that moment, Day 1, of Salvation. Effects of Medazepam, What luck that I had made it that far, eh. But no, it wasn't luck. It was -- or so I was informed -- God's will, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. Just like it must have been God's will to abandon all those 'children in africa' (ie, Medazepam recreational. non-catholics).
Which never made sense to me, even then, Real brand Medazepam online, but I was a good child, & quiet, & anyway, the sheer chaos of God's will was what made Him so frightening. I became, herbal Medazepam, indeed, God-fearing. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, We were taught about the the day of reckoning & I remember S., age 5, saying, 'The day of reckoning could be today. Or tomorrow. Buy no prescription Medazepam online, That's why I always say my prayers for everyone every night and I try not to forget anyone. In case everything's over before I get another chance!'
I tried to say a prayer for everyone I knew, not leaving anyone out, but my mind was prone to drifting. I worried about the people I was forgetting, order Medazepam online c.o.d. I worried about the non-catholic relatives I was praying for, particularly, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. I worried about my pets, since pets weren't allowed in Heaven.
Also, Order Medazepam online overnight delivery no prescription, secretly, I began to develop a dissatisfaction with a god that would condemn people so easily & in such numbers. Heaven seemed like a wide, empty place. But I was too young to put any of this into words, Medazepam natural. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, It was an emotion or an instinct or some kind of spiritual twinge that I was feeling, & I tried to hide it from God.
The local priest wore shorts & an unbuttoned shirt & had a dark, unshaven face. In short, Buy cheap Medazepam no rx, he was a disappointment. I wanted a priest with flowing robes, for a start. Still, most of my experience with catholocism was at school, online buy Medazepam without a prescription, so priests were an irrelevance. The real teachings came mainly from peers and parents (mostly other people's), Buy Medazepam Without Prescription.
When I moved to bigger schools interstate, I was surprised by how many religions there were. Medazepam samples, We were divided into scripture groups hosted mainly by local mothers. Again, I was unimpressed. Where were the monks, & nuns in crazy black habits like in Sound of Music, Medazepam from canadian pharmacy. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, At age 11 an angry woman with wiry black hair was my scripture leader. She declared, 'If you're not going to church, you're going to hell." She asked, Medazepam use, "What are you putting before God?'
There was something about the way she said God that made me wince. 'God', flat & spat, like a swear word. GOD, Medazepam wiki. Like 'fuck', only with more hate. I worried that I was going to hell because my parents didn't take my eternal soul seriously enough to drive me to the local church, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. Wherever that was. Medazepam mg, Mostly, I worried that my gut was beginning to curdle at the mention of GOD.
Age 14, I began to read the Bible.
I didn't like it, Medazepam description. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, Particularly, I didn't like the bit that said that a woman who lies with a man not her husband is committing adultery and shall go to Hell, even is she is divorced or widowed, and a man who lies with a woman who is not his wife, even if she is divorced or widowed, is _making that woman commit adultery_. I seem to recall I closed the Bible and didn't open it again for four years. I'm not sure why my young mind was so quick to grasp the injustice of that principle. But there you have it, Medazepam pics, I renounced catholicism and realised I was something-I-had-no-word-for-then (a feminist) in one sentence. It was the cleanest break I've ever made.
Four years later, I did try another Bible (not a catholic one, I was sure I wasn't catholic) when they were giving them out free at school, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. Nothing particularly offended me this time that I recall, but I ran headlong into that gap I mentioned; that gap where my response (love/fear/reverence?) should be. God as Father, my Medazepam experience, as determining force, as judgment, as life -- just wasn't working for me. Medazepam pictures, I was 18 and I realised that at least part of my course had been set. I still, for a time, listened politely to various passing evangelists, but I wasn't Christian anymore, Medazepam forum. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, I was like jelly that had failed to set. There was something wrong with me that answers were so difficult for me to find or, when presented to me with righteous vigour, so impossible to accept. Low dose Medazepam, It changed, of course, the feelings of 'wrongness' were replaced with feelings of right, and the desperation with answers mellowed into a fascination with process. I think now spirituality is something which is meant to evolve as we do, buy Medazepam without a prescription, & that the truest test of growing up is not in simplifying ideas, but in making them more complex, amalgamating & synthesising them, Medazepam for sale, adding coherence & depth. Or, that's how I want to do it, anyhow. But then I also prefer personal expression to organised religion of any kind, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. Another result, order Medazepam from mexican pharmacy, probably, of my earlier failure.
I still have a fascination with ritual. Medazepam brand name, In my twenties, travelling in Italy, I stepped into a marbled church and heard monks chanting in latin. Apparently I had to be nudged twice before I broke my trance. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, It really was beautiful. And in small ways, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, I think there is a lot of ritual in my days. My daily walk home is a kind of ritual. How I make a cup of tea is a ritual for me, Medazepam maximum dosage, how I arrange 'found' objects (trinkets, souvenirs, momentos) on a windowsill, how I light candles, how I watch rain, is Medazepam safe, how I dust (when I dust), how I prepare a meal.
To knit together these strange little quirks of mine, Medazepam canada, mexico, india, I use ideas from, I suppose, Paganism, Goddess Worship, some Buddhist ideas on meditation, some concepts from Psychotherapy, yoga, Wicca. I don't particularly buy into any one of these in total, but I use their vocabularies to talk about things I don't fully understand & don't otherwise have words for, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. It is difficult to say where the 'spirituality' ends & the ideas on self/life/purpose/choice/ethics begin. And maybe it doesn't matter.
Am I religious. No. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, Am I spiritual. Maybe I sort of am. Kind of. I respect spirituality. I envy it when I find it in others. I pursue it -- perhaps that's a better way to say it, Buy Medazepam Without Prescription. I pursue it. What are the central tenets of this home-made brew. Hmm. Honesty. Buy Medazepam Without Prescription, Courage. Responsibility. And a damn good attempt to do no harm.
So far, that's proving to be enough. ;)
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