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Special skills

When it comes to painting a room, turns out I have two special gifts.

One is the ability to stand in paint. Even if there’s only one drop of paint on the floor, I am guaranteed to stand in it & track it all across the room & possibly the house. So certain is this gift that if you’ve only JUST dropped paint & you’ve turned around to pick up a cloth & I’ve walked into the room & less than two seconds have passed, you can pretty much tell me to stop right there — even before you turn back around — because I’m certain to have trodden in the paint regardless of whereabouts in the room it is.

The second gift, it now transpires, is the ability to get paint in my right eye. Yes.

So if I ever manage to execute my plan of running away to the circus, these will be the two unique talents I’ll be marketing when I apply for a job. You can see it now, right.

Scene: Bigtop, crowd is just settling in as entertainers roam the aisles.

DB: ‘Hey, kiddies, you wanna see me, oh, I’ve stepped in, argh, ahhh, wa-arrgghhh, my eye, maaaahhhh, it burns!’