What if it is?
And in other ‘fun things you, too, can do’, today I updated my will.
It was just an overdue thing — nothing at all to do with all the dying that’s featured in discussions lately. I stumbled across the half-completed will under an overdue water bill (which seemed particularly poignant at the time) & thought, oh yeah, this thing, I’ll just fill this in right now. It’s not like my ‘estate’ is in any way complex or extensive.
So I completed the new will right then at work & surprised a couple of colleagues into witnessing it for me & I tore the old one in two & I felt pretty good. Like I had outwitted death by leaving behind a few words & some trinkets with a sentimental value only, & some small sliver of paid-off mortgage.
Then I got a little worried about how I’m spending my time, & whether my priorities were really working out for me & I thought, ‘you know, I really need to be *living* my life a little more’. Which is just one of those irksome ideas that can either galvanise or immobilise you, depending what you determine to make of it.
And I thought to myself, fuckitt, galvanise.
And then I reflected on a scene from Six Feet Under that I found particularly moving, & went looking for a transcript online, & here is the bit I mean.
David speaking to the ghost of his father, Nate Snr:
David: I thought it would set me free but it…didn’t change anything. Except now I know he really is insane.
Nate Sr: You’re missing the point.
David: There is no point. That’s the point. [Nate Sr. Sighs] Isn’t it?
Nate Sr: Don’t give me this phony existential bullshit. I expect better from you. The point’s right in front of your face.
David: Well I’m sorry, but I don’t see it.
Nate Sr: You’re not even grateful, are ya?
David: Grateful? For the worst fucking experience of my life?
Nate Sr: You hang on to your pain like it means something. Like it’s worth something. Well let me tell ya, it’s not worth shit. Let it go. [Talking to the air] Infinite possibilites and all he can do is whine.
David: Well what am I supposed to do?
Nate Sr: What do ya think? You can do anything ya lucky bastard, you’re alive! What’s a little pain compared to that?
David: [Sigh] It can’t be so simple.
Nate Sr: What if it is?